Last words on the subject.

This was originally written on March 30th, 2010. I believe it was the start of me taking control of my situation and my health. All you need to know was that I finally got out of a yo-yo-ing relationship that went on for far too long. And was very much the better for it. However it's always good to get things out and purge yourself of things that you need to say (hence another reason for this blog!).



I hate how time changed things between us, but I know that time will also alleviate the hurt.

It sucks that things don't work even though you want them to so much. You'd think that the phrase "if you want it bad enough, you'll make it happen" is based in fact, when in reality it is a phrase that sets you up for failure because you learn to hope, and it's hope that kills you in the end. If everyone went out and about never hoping for things, they'd never be hurt or disappointed. That would also make for a stellar-ly boring life. I choose to hope. It hurts, but it also adds colour to my life.

I refuse to live in black and white.

I will hope, dare, try, explore, be adventurous, ask questions, get in the way, learn, teach.... I embrace my personality, my needs, my wants, my sexuality and my interests. This is risky and there is a high probability of failure; however the potential rewards greatly outweigh the possible consequences and so I choose to get hurt in the pursuit of *my* happYness. And I choose to get hurt for other reasons too haha. ;)

Life goes on. People are like streams and they move fluidly in, around, beside, parallel, and far away from other people-streams. When two streams separate it might be forever, but then again, it might not. All of the people who stream in and out of your life influence you in one way or another, for good or bad. Whether it's a feather touch of another or the constant presence of a sister-stream right beside you, they all have momentum and will change you a bit.

I have closed a door, but I can open a window (it gets stuffy and lonely in this metaphorical room... haha). We didn't work because we weren't right for each other, but that doesn't mean that I'm not right for someone else :) and the same goes for you too, if you choose you want that.

I am intelligent, beautiful, funny, sarcastic, responsible, confident, needy, mature, independent, self-conscious, hard-working, a pleaser, domineering, blonde (+ the colour of the week :P), pushy, and many more things, both good and bad. It's the right time to throw away the chains again, rediscover my strong woman side, and live life for a bit alone, but not lonely. Notice the difference ;) haha.